Rough time

  
I haven’t been feeling up to par this past 2 weeks so my postings have taken the back seat. All my energy has been pooled into just getting through the day with some shred of self respect and not having an outburst that I will regret later. 

It’s been up and down and when it’s down its been this simmering, combustible anger directed at everyone for any reason and I know it’s all me and not them. And my family bears the brunt of it and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Then I feel tearful and clingy and I just know everyone is conspiring against me. Everyone sees my flaws and hates me and I find it hard just to get out of bed. 

Then there are days like today where I get this sudden burst of antsy energy and I’m damn near bouncy. Colors are brighter and I can think a little clearer and I have to make a conscience effort not to talk as much as I want and slow down when I do. 

It’s a roller coaster at a theme park I didn’t buy a ticket for and I just want to get off the rides. But as they keep telling me, it will even out. It will get better. And in some ways it is. But when I get stopped dead in my tracks, trying for just a little traction, it’s frustrating as shit. 

So posts will be back soon. I just gotta get a handle on all this first. 

Happy Crafting All!